Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i used baking grease as lip gloss
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
