at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
