I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Randomize
