My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
