we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
