He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
