a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
