So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
