Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Floor bacon is actually really good
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
