Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
