john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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