No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You were trust falling into bushes
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
