i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
