my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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