she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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