Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
