Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Help. Why am I so naked?
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