We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
