You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
