Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize