Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
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Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
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I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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