if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
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