he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
