You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
