I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
