I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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