if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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