I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
