New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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