I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
