good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
