They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
