Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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