I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
