I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
