haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
