OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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