i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
