I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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