I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
