Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
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just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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