Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
