he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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