So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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