her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
