your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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