There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Randomize
