ya dads aren't the best wingmen
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
