So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize