I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
