and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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