Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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