two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
