dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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