he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.