Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
