Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)

  (512): View more from Texas

  Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.

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  (504): if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever) (512): Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them. http://tfl.nu/9n19
  Replies (3) Good night (1140) Bad night (546)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties

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  (903): Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties http://tfl.nu/1e23
  Replies (74) Good night (754) Bad night (2100)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.

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  (805): My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family. http://tfl.nu/yv4f
  Replies (29) Good night (5633) Bad night (792)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to

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  (720): What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to http://tfl.nu/xbm0
  Replies (33) Good night (1731) Bad night (4457)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle

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  (416): that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle http://tfl.nu/ax2q
  Replies (11) Good night (1414) Bad night (4848)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."

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  (919): She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..." http://tfl.nu/ca9j
  Replies (17) Good night (968) Bad night (5894)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "

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  (207): She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? " http://tfl.nu/wyfp
  Replies (10) Good night (5657) Bad night (1182)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days

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  (410): You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days http://tfl.nu/jiwq
  Replies (4) Good night (603) Bad night (1455)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.

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  (614): You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song. http://tfl.nu/edyj
  Replies (10) Good night (1587) Bad night (614)
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off

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  (409): You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off http://tfl.nu/0o0c
  Replies (9) Good night (665) Bad night (1162)
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.

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  (308): In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge. http://tfl.nu/2ycl
  Replies (22) Good night (1596) Bad night (731)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Never mind I found pizza just bring sex

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  (216): I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex (216): Never mind I found pizza just bring sex http://tfl.nu/1kkn
  Replies (4) Good night (1856) Bad night (586)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?

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  (630): How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club? http://tfl.nu/moii
  Replies (4) Good night (1122) Bad night (410)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.

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  (423): I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror. http://tfl.nu/gj1a
  Replies (2) Good night (764) Bad night (301)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him

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  (909): I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him http://tfl.nu/7k0m
  Replies (0) Good night (387) Bad night (227)

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