Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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