the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
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i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
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Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?