Texts From Last Night

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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B

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  (508): ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester (1-508): Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B http://tfl.nu/rngn
  Replies (5) Good night (1676) Bad night (632)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper

  (785): View more from Kansas

  He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.

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  (316): I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper (785): He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not. http://tfl.nu/pqqj
  Replies (32) Good night (3344) Bad night (1029)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.

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  (336): He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters. http://tfl.nu/0ibe
  Replies (12) Good night (676) Bad night (3019)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse

  (914): View more from New York

  so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though

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  (443): so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse (914): so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though http://tfl.nu/1ux5
  Replies (11) Good night (4253) Bad night (561)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes

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  (817): Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes http://tfl.nu/2z3z
  Replies (44) Good night (899) Bad night (4201)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero

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  (859): Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero http://tfl.nu/5voz
  Replies (9) Good night (4772) Bad night (1475)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.

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  (720): Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly. http://tfl.nu/yfkr
  Replies (7) Good night (3779) Bad night (855)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.

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  (803): Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear. http://tfl.nu/2r4l
  Replies (18) Good night (7750) Bad night (1134)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.

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  (509): I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact. http://tfl.nu/tkeu
  Replies (35) Good night (1190) Bad night (3959)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.

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  (609): At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared. http://tfl.nu/jdkh
  Replies (8) Good night (2878) Bad night (988)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO

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  (303): Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO http://tfl.nu/1w33
  Replies (6) Good night (1587) Bad night (823)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!

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  (802): Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy! http://tfl.nu/gv3p
  Replies (10) Good night (1199) Bad night (419)
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  (925): View more from California

  Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?

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  (925): Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early (401): You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him? http://tfl.nu/zkzj
  Replies (4) Good night (2530) Bad night (279)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.

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  (202): With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase. http://tfl.nu/fzjk
  Replies (9) Good night (827) Bad night (302)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.

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  (620): What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself. http://tfl.nu/i9qu
  Replies (0) Good night (536) Bad night (201)

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