Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.