Texts From Last Night

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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911

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  (570): why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds? (1-570): you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911 http://tfl.nu/vzb8
  Replies (109) Good night (40439) Bad night (2195)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.

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  (319): Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk. http://tfl.nu/a04b
  Replies (13) Good night (5352) Bad night (1731)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night

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  (609): id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night http://tfl.nu/kxc6
  Replies (11) Good night (3603) Bad night (956)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?

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  (206): Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right? http://tfl.nu/ikqz
  Replies (14) Good night (855) Bad night (5262)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"

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  (315): mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!" http://tfl.nu/d3gl
  Replies (22) Good night (5130) Bad night (1654)
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  (209): View more from California

  What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?

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  (209): What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons? http://tfl.nu/8u4p
  Replies (20) Good night (3255) Bad night (1111)
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  (409): View more from Texas

  We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.

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  (409): We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team. http://tfl.nu/iz22
  Replies (8) Good night (1871) Bad night (677)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis

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  (202): Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis http://tfl.nu/68pm
  Replies (5) Good night (2530) Bad night (629)
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  (347): View more from New York

  Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.

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  (347): Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times. http://tfl.nu/buvd
  Replies (5) Good night (469) Bad night (1189)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other

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  (703): Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other http://tfl.nu/yr17
  Replies (1) Good night (1340) Bad night (455)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.

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  (410): I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while. http://tfl.nu/y6er
  Replies (10) Good night (1123) Bad night (799)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?

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  (561): Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club? http://tfl.nu/vdph
  Replies (10) Good night (918) Bad night (404)
• Favorite

  (438): View more from Quebec

  Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.

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  (438): Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up. http://tfl.nu/xk7n
  Replies (3) Good night (570) Bad night (318)
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  (477): View more from

  YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!

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  (477): YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?! http://tfl.nu/xl4i
  Replies (2) Good night (600) Bad night (222)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.

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  (207): I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked. http://tfl.nu/3l0v
  Replies (2) Good night (409) Bad night (140)

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