at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize