I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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