areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
