he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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