dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
