I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
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I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
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Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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