If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I've blown a few things in my day
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
