FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
