we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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