I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
