Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
