So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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