Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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