she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
