If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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