Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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