I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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