I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
