She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
