My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
