My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
