that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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