oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I want to be your penis for a week.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
